Deck the halls and other tales ….

Firstly Dear Reader May I wish you a very Happy Christmas . Here I sit at my kitchen table recovering from watching The Boy, the mole the fox and the horse on the television. No one gave me a mascara warning ..there was me thinking it would be a lovely Christmas Day film…it was beautiful but very deep and heartwarming …and in my case tear jerking . Really, tis the season to be jolly surely …. Now I’m watching the Christmas Eucharist from Manchester Cathedral…yes ok, maybe it’s my choice of television ….bring on the King’s Speech 😉😉😉

So back to decking the halls – well as you may recall all my decking had to be done before the 18 th December when I was to have my broken and well socially distanced collar bone . And indeed it was done ..but not without its problems ! The wreath went on the front door – I say wreath loosely – all ideas of holly need to go out of the window now – it’s basically a star made of sticks , tied with string and wrapped with twinkly lights . Very reusable , which suits the DB you understand ( remember he’s a Yorkshireman..) … comes out each year – the wreath, not the DB! Anyway said wrath was in place … then my lovely friend Claire pointed out it was hanging upside down 🙈🙈 which indeed it was . I hadn’t even hung it by it’s hook …so it was duly righted and…

First mistake corrected- onto the second . The Christmas Tree lights…..oh what fun we’ve had over the years with those ! There was always a dread when they were brought down from their hideaway …and only those of you of a certain age will understand this ….would they work? More likely than not, the answer was a big resounding “ No”

Then would begin the assessment of the problem – each bulb carefully checked…oh there’s one that’s loose…and if you were lucky the tightening of said bulb would bring the entire string to life ! If not, further frustration until the problem was solved – may I say this meant perhaps a replacement bulb, not the purchase of a new set. And they were coloured bulbs – why would you want white lights whether warm or cool….? Those were the days! Anyway yet again I digress …my Christmas Tree lights ….

So I took the lights out of the bag – needless to say we have numerous sets …but helpfully I had written on this tree set “NB up/down” .So I duly set to ..up/down, up/down …far more times than I ever remember in years gone by . The tree looked decidedly ugly without the lights on – a mass of wires …well, I thought, this must be right. So then for the big switch on . It is no exaggeration to say that I was truly “ blinded by the light” ….in fact so much so, I had to turn them off lest they upset my brain impulses ! I was bothered by this …how to cope all the way through Christmas feeling I ( and everyone else) were under intense interrogation…….

Other things had to be done, so the lights were switched off and to bed I went. In the middle of the night I was up ( women of a certain age you understand). Back in bed I had a light bulb moment ..literally .. oh what a fool I am . Those lights I carefully drowned our 6 foot indoor tree with …they were meant for the 20 foot outdoor Christmas tree 🙈🙈🙈 Well problem solved – well it was the next day!

So we’re here and it’s Christmas Day …..I know what you’re thinking… shouldn’t you be peeling a sprout or something, rather than writing all this? I am unable to peel a sprout or any other vegetable for that matter Dear Reader, I am simply your right hand woman! Literally, as the result of my operation – 7 screws I have in my left collar bone , that’ll give security at the airport something to stop me for, won’t it?! The DB is the sprout peeler extraordinaire this year – and I do not jest, he has had to do everything. I mean initially after I came home I could barely get a leg in a pant ….I’m pleased to say I have progressed since then and can manage to get two legs in a pant on my very own! However this morning I may have overdone it – with tights ! Have you ever tried to put tights on Dear Reader with one hand? Ok ok I know some of you reading this will never have experienced the joy of putting tights on with two hands …but you have to trust me on this, you do need two hands. Hence the DB was summoned . Well what to say ? He ended up bent double in hysterics ….and I indeed began to wonder if I had taken a step too far…..anyway I’m pleased to say the tights are in situ , oh I haven’t yet paid a visit to the WC …woops, more hilarity on the way…..possibly!

Before I sign off I must tell you about my Christmas presents …the DB has excelled himself ! Amongst a hot glue gun, a phone and purse bag he gave me my first lemon from my lemon tree in Spain. I can’t say he wasn’t well prepared..he brought it back with him in November!

….ready for a gin and tonic at Christmas 2023! Even the anaesthetist suggested I put my right hand to use, and hold a gin and tonic in it ! So, doctor’s orders . With that , I’ll say goodbye until next year ….may your Christmas Day be special and happy …I’ll leave you with these…