The mobile windmill and other stories…..

No, Dear Reader, I haven’t completely lost it. I mean, come on, is there such a thing as a mobile windmill. Well, according to the DB , there is…and it’s me ! Let me explain…….

Last evening , we went out with our long suffering neighbours next door to this brilliant event at the local cinema, Penistone Paramount . ( This cinema houses one of the few working organs the country – built in 1937 and moved around from Birmingham to Oswestry and finally arriving in Penistone in 2000 …the cinema was renamed the Paramount on account of said organ!) Anyway see how I’ve digressed now – in case you’re wondering, the organ had nothing to do with my performance as a mobile windmill!

It has to be said that three of us were really keen to listen ( and dance) to two hours of good old Motown – one came along slightly under sufferance . You’ve guessed it the DB – he was happy to sit and listen to the tunes , but not me Dear Reader ! Along with my neighbours, I was dancing in the aisles to all the brilliant tunes. I mean how can you not move to the likes of “You can’t hurry love”, “Dancing in the street” , “ I heard it through the grapevine”, “This old heart of mine“ …and the list went on. I am not a prize winning dancer ( some of you may remember that as a child , my mother took me to my first ballet class…..at the end of which the teacher politely told my mother that I may find the tap class more suitable ………..) but where there is music I will move . We all ended up in dancing in our row and even the DB stood up – and when praised for entering into the spirit of things he said “ Well I couldn’t see a thing on account of this mobile windmill front of me!” That was me …….No wonder my arms were moving- we were doing a particular favourite of mine …”Ain’t no mountain high enough” arms in air …”Ain’t no valley low enough” arms down below and “Ain’t no river wide enough” arms spread apart ….. hence mobile windmill 🙄🙄Anyway general consensus from all of us ( yes …all) was that it had been a really good evening . However I noted that whilst there were other men in the auditorium, it was mainly their partners dancing!!! So rather than the DB being the exception to the rule for not dancing and partaking of the fun, it was our neighbour David who was the exception by boogying the night away !

Anyway onto our walk this morning….what a difference a week makes !

We walked today with one of Millie’s special friends , Alfie and his Mum, Helen. It’s a walk I’ve done before , so don’t want to bore you . There again life’s never dull round here so that’s unlikely to happen …

As we were walking back along what I call the top road , Helen suggested she take a photo of me and Millie – commenting kindly that my selfie efforts left a little bit to be desired !!! “Good idea” I said …giving her my phone . “Oh” she said “you’ll have to sort the camera …the screen is blank”. “Try taking the phone case off the camera” I suggested , politely …What a pair …..

It was just after this point when two things reminded me of a tale that I need to tell you ….

Well after we had passed, the farmer clearly parked up by the gate and took something into the field – we weren’t close enough so couldn’t see if it was food or water. However on seeing the farmer arrive, the bull stood up and started bellowing . Bulls don’t moo…. they bellow , and I do believe this guy was just having a little chat , because I have heard an angry bull and he certainly wasn’t angry. Let me elaborate . When my children were small we lived in the country by a farm and the farmer had a Belgian Blue bull called Evil Kanevil ….let me show you a Belgian blue bull

One day I arrived home to hear what can only be described as a tractor revving rather discontentedly . When I looked to see where the tractor was I was surprised to see some men working on a telegraph pole but no tractor. Then behind the wall – all became clear . Evil Kanevil was there giving vent to his anger at the workmen – and trust me it is a sound you really don’t want to hear! The farmer was there so no danger to the workmen – and they did have a wall between them. However it is a sound that , once heard, it’s never forgotten!! Now are you still with me? Good, because if you remember I said there were two things that jogged my memory ! The second was this…..

I need to take you back to when I was working , and Millie wasn’t even an apple in her mother’s eye. We had her great uncle ( work that out if you can!) Louis …another beautiful Golden Retriever. Anyway I used to walk him before I went to work, by which I mean I was out with him before 6 in the morning . In the Summer months that was no problem ,but in the winter it was pitch black and I used to take a very large torch with me . This served as light but also as a weapon should I meet an unsavoury character!

Just as an aside, I would like you to remember what I told you about the dairy herd – they are taken in when the wet weather starts in Autumn to avoid them churning the ground….

So to the Water buffalo …..what a novelty …and in Oxspring of all places ..,.mozzarella, healthy burgers ….oh and look at them ….Now if I’m losing you …hold on and don’t worry, you’ll see where I’m going now.

And so it was one dark morning at 6 am , Louis and I set off for our morning stroll. All seemed as usual until I approached the farm . There was a commotion coming from the garden with a police car and a white van blocking the gate . This commotion I recognised as the noise of an angry bull ….”Oh “ I said to the policeman “ that doesn’t sound like a happy bull” “ Oh it’s not just the bull , shine your torch and you’ll see he’s got eight ladies with him” I did as I was told , and indeed shone my torch on a multitude of buffalo, none of whom, if truth be told, looked particularly happy .

So now what to do ….should I continue …obviously the policeman would know . “ Is it ok for me to carry on then?” “Yes, you’ll be fine” So off we set , continuing on our way ….In a world of my own was I , whento my horror I heard the clatter of hooves on the road behind me . Before I had chance to take it in , a voice boomed out ( and I won’t repeat word for word .,.,) “Get over the ****ing wall”

Now just a minute , I was never good at any king of sport , let alone high jump. Said wall was five foot high …with a ditch in front …but let me tell you, a herd of raging buffalo ( water or otherwise) do wonders for one’s athleticism. Over the wall I went but couldn’t take Louis …I just prayed he’d be ok . None of this was gainly you understand so I gathered myself up from behind the wall and peaked over . Buffalo were long gone and someone , possibly the policeman shouted “ Your dog’s ok” Thank goodness for that – I have to say he seemed very undisturbed by the whole occasion. So I climbed back over the wall onto the road and reunited with Louis. Now what to do – continue on our way or turn back? This lady’s not for turning …we’re going on Louis ….imagine what the DB will say , what a tale to tell!!!! Anyway nothing else can be as scary ……..can it?

Well I’m afraid to tell you Dear Reader …yes it can. So Louis and I decide ( ok probably me ) to continue on our usual walk So onwards we go , turning right onto Roughbirchworth Lane and then take a left along the bridle path behind the farm …..

Are you there ? Are you sure? ….Louis and I were here ..when to my horror what should come walking round the corner but a baby buffalo ….you may think this would give) me cause to run for my life ( and Louis of course ) …but no ! M first thought was Oh oh can ai pick it up and where do I take it ? I know …completely crazy …but then all thoughts were turned on their heads. Why ..you ask? Why??? because what normally follows a baby buffalo ? You’ve got it …the mother! What do you never do …get in between a mother and her baby 🥴🥴🥴What could be worse than this I think ….of course, another mother and baby buffalo .

So this calls for serious action and this time both Louis ( who I have to say was completely unperturbed ) and I leapt over the nearest wall. Now I was scared…I phoned the DB who was still asleep, but the message I left made him think I’d been seriously attacked . Eventually he phoned me back ….and my response was “ There are loose buffalo everywhere , I am in a field with Louis and won’t come out until I can see it is safe to do so….

Clearly at this point he telephoned the police ( our eldest recounted the following to me …) ….whatever the policewoman said to the DB who knows but the reply was clearly …..” I can assure you Officer, my wife would know the difference between a cow and a buffalo even in the dark “

So I am in this field with two female buffalo and their babies in pitch black on the other side of the gate….and my phone rings ……” Mrs Harding ….”Yes” ….it’s WPC who knows what …..”Yes” …”Where are you?” “I’m in a field and I’m not coming out until either it’s daylight o4 my dog and I are collected from the gate”:……” Oh you don’t need to worry Mrs Harding the buffalo have all gone “ …..” Not from where I’m standing Officer….” At which point, both Mums and babies decided to move on ….

However, I had no intention of moving …then a car drew up…oh no not another hazard . “Who is it ?” ….It’s me you fool, your husband…get in the car….so off we went home. Needless to say I needed a little time to recompose myself….

Try telling your boss that you’ll be late for work because you’ve been chased by buffalo ……he/she’ll never believe you !!! Not to worry Dear Reader , I was the boss so it didn’t matter ( though I hope I was always understanding where that was concerned)

Clearly it was the first time the buffalo had been taken in for over Wintering – and they weren’t impressed ! So they had escaped, hence my encounter with them…. no real harm done , hey? Sadly they aren’t here anymore but the sign is still there as a reminder ….

So before I say goodnight – those of you who said new glasses …..get a prize …….

I have decided to put my hip first tomorrow, and won’t be walking my 5 km . I wish all Mums a very Happy Mother’s Day ……will be back with you on Monday …….