You can’t start a fire without a spark……….

We’ll I have been intending to write this blog for weeks now, almost since my last blog. Why you may ask -in truth I have no idea! So much has attracted my attention during this time, from the tragic suicide of Caroline Flack, the storms causing devastating floods, through Philip Schofield having to “come out” on breakfast television to the Coronavirus ……..with each event, so much has whirled around my ever increasingly addled and ruminating brain, I haven’t been able to gather my thoughts to put finger to keyboard! Oh and on top of all that I’ve been studying, dear reader – we’ll sort of……The DB and I discovered the joy of learning how to get the most out of our iPhones for photography – and the courses are all free at the Apple shop ( much to the DB’s delight) ! Now we can take a satisfactory selfie , use the live function appropriately and understand the rule of thirds ! ( we’ll I’ve not quite got my head round that yet but give me time …….) So bearing these free sessions in mind , I decided to learn the iPhone basics – yes I know I’ve had an iPhone for longer than I can remember but off I went to iPhone/iPad basics Level 1!Well what I didn’t learn was nobody’s business! I mean pre session 1, anything in Settings was completely out of bounds to me – leave we’ll alone being my motto. So, when not only am I introduced to my Control Centre, I learn that I can customise it! I mean whoever knew – so enlightened with this new knowledge, I booked onto Level 2! Another victory – more knowledge crammed into this brain of mine – the calendar, reminders and notes apps now being used to within an inch of their lives! Delighted with this new found knowledge, I decided to treat myself to an iPad – after all me and Apple …….- and as I tap away at this keyboard, it is so much easier that tapping my fingers gingerly on the iPhone board. With every new iPad you are eligible for 30 minutes free online personal training- and of course I went for it- but, ironically , and to my dismay despite doing everything I was asked to do , I received this message :

Never mind – my new found confidence has enabled me to be more adventurous , and I’ve succeeded in working this device with no major hiccups! Just one thing though, how on earth do you ring 1-800-MY-APPLE ?I eventually gave it up as a bad job.

So now I’ve bought you up to speed, I’ll get on with what I started with! Oh before I do, I’m sure you’re itching to know whether on the morning of February 14 th I awoke to find a red Ferrari completely filled with red roses on my drive ………. no! Better than that , the DB made a delicious desert for our Valentines meal ……

Delicious Cranachan ( oh and don’t be disappointed there were no red roses – the artificial ones came down from the loft for a few days, now safely packed away till next year!)

So, who was the spark (as if I needed a spark !) who spurred my writing today? We’ll it was this lady –

Miriam Margoyles! I watched her programme yesterday entitled “ My big fat adventure” and I was moved by it. It struck so many chords with subjects that have been whirling round in my brain – so , unaccustomed as I am to doing this, I’m going to digress ( only slightly!)

Tête à tête daffodils

These little daffodils ( bear with me here please …….) have been in bloom since before Valentines Day . Taking them at face value, one might say they were a delicate little flower, needing tender care, protection etc- wrong! These little flowers have seen off Storms Ciara, Dennis and Jorge and are still standing – and in case you’re wondering they are growing in what is in effect , a wind tunnel – and boy, are we exposed to strong wind! So the assumption they are delicate and fragile little things is totally wrong – and every time I look at them I am amazed at their resilience ! How appearances can be deceptive – what we see is not necessarily how thing are – and this is what I was leading up to (thank goodness I hear you cry!).

Fame and fortune does not automatically bring the perfect happy life as is more often than not portrayed in the media. It seems to me too many of our young people particularly girls, aspire just to be famous – why I ask myself? Cameras follow you every which way you go – comments ( generally derisory!) are made in the press about your visible panty line, the one hair on your head that was a millimetre out of place, your outfit ( too baggy, too tight, too short, too long) and the assumed state of your health along with anything else they can find fault with. So you’ll end up getting up before you go to bed to ensure you are perfectly coiffed and made up for tomorrow’s trip to the supermarket – you’ll have to watch what you eat , a mere waft of the steam from steamed vegetables will be all you will allow yourself for fear of putting on the ounces! The press will pick up on the tiniest increase in weight and there you are, in the public domaine . Happy ? I don’t see how.

It would be no good for me of that I’m sure – I’d have to get up too early to be coiffed and made up to an inch of my life – for then to take Millie the Golden Retriever for her walk. If I did manage it you can be sure that wind, rain, other weather effort or item of headgear would negate any previous effort! So stuff it , take me warts and all! I was once known to grab my leggings out of the laundry basket, put them on and go to the supermarket. So , you say – well on the way home I called at a friend’s house for a coffee. Whilst sitting talking, I looked at my leggings – and couldn’t work out why the was a welt at the bottom of each leg. After several seconds I realised I wasn’t wearing my leggings but my son,s pyjama bottoms!!! Imagine the media comments…………

This is where Miriam struck the chord – she was looking at the changing attitudes to weight in our society, it’s stigma and how it affects mental health. Amongst other things she spoke to children who were clearly overweight, young women who had undergone bariatric surgery and even a young fit and good looking man who had body dismorphia ( thinking he was his complete body opposite)

Miriam herself has always been overweight and admitted on camera whilst she likes her face but will look no further down as she doesn’t like what she is looking at . Hence her photo at the start of this blog which I think is beautiful. She wanted to know if losing all the weight following bariatric surgery made the women happier – and concluded that whilst they both felt the benefits of being thinner, whereas she was trapped in her fat body, they were trapped in their newly thin bodies.

As she said, body shape/form doesn’t make you happy. Happiness is to be found within. A truer statement couldn’t be spoken – unless we have inner happiness and peace with ourselves, we will never find external happiness. Mental health is as important an aspect of health management as is physical health and we all need to pay attention to our mental health .

I spoke in my introduction about issues that had distracted me in writing this blog – one of which had been the tragic death of Caroline Flack.

I didn’t know her but I was deeply saddened to hear that she was so desperate and so low , she took her own life. Any suicide is a terrible tragedy and it is no less important because the individual isn’t in the public eye- but her death brought to the fore, that too many individuals feel they can say what they like on social media to and about anyone and when and how they like , and yet remain anonymous. Worst of all, these low lives ( or cowards as they truly are – if you have something to say, then say it to my face) don’t know the people they are so cruelly affecting . Just because you see someone on Strictly Come Dancing, Love Island or singing on a stage doesn’t mean you know them or you are entitled to berate them. Only today I heard that Billy Eilish , who at 18 years of age is an exceptionally talented young woman ( not everyone gets to make the new Bond theme do they?), has had such horrible things said to and about her on Social Media that she had to stop reading it because it affected her so badly. What is the matter with people – come on, are people jealous of success or what? Would the perpetrators of this crime – because that’s what it is- want to deal with it if the boot was on the other foot? I suspect not. People in the public eye are as vulnerable as you or I – they have to get up in the morning, face the day whatever it may bring, handle relationships whether with friends, partners or whoever else, and then go to bed at night ready to do it all again in the morning. So let’s have a lot more thought for the people we see every day on our television screens, in our papers and magazines – if you can’t saying anything nice , you should say nothing at all.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind .

So until next time – Be kind , for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle .