In memory of Marilyn

Those of you who have been following me will know that the reason I started writing was linked to my Camino, which was undertaken in memory of our friend Alistair who died last year of prostate cancer. ( At this point dear reader, I should perhaps give the tissue warning)

However in July this year our friend Marylin died – she had no illness, no long term health problems- in the morning she was having coffee with her husband and adored dog Maddie and by nightfall because of the result of a tragic accident, she lost her life. Now this blog is by no means intended to be, nor will it be, an obituary of her life- there will be digressing, you ought to know me by now! There will be times when you think I’ve completely lost the plot- but whatever is written , is written with Marylin in mind, and she would expect no less!

I remember a very special lady in my life telling me once how hard it was to lose your friends – and she was right. In case you’re wondering who it was – it was my Auntie Iris . No relation of the maternal/paternal sibling type – my mother and she gave birth four days apart in the same maternity unit, and both were doctors wives ( well my mother would want you to know she was a Consultant’s wife!!) but even so, a friendship was formed . I was sent to school near my father’s work, which was fifteen miles from home – so naturally I became part of Auntie Iris’ lovely family. You see I’ve already digressed dear reader – I wasn’t going to go there- but as I’m writing about Iris I see similarities between her and Marylin. How strange is life!

I guess with my three score and a bit years , I suppose I should consider myself fortunate ( if you can call it that) to have lost only two friends. People all over the world are losing friends daily due to war and other catastrophic events which puts things into perspective, and my sons had witnessed the death of at least two friends before they were twenty five.

However loss is loss regardless – so I shall return to my focus of this particular blog, Marylin. We met about twelve years ago – they lived here and at that time , because of work, we spent short spells here. Now Marylin was a worrier but she was a lovely worrier. She had the biggest heart and her culinary skills were second to none . It goes without saying that her vegetable samosas and onion bhajis were the best ( apologies to all Indian restaurants in the area, but the truth sometimes hurts!) – we spent many a happy time around the table in their garden enjoying the fruits of her labours in the kitchen,in the company of friends, and of course Sunny their resident chameleon.

She was the taster in my endeavours to replicate the Flan de Cafe , a homemade desert from one of the local restaurants . I’d make it then carry it over the hill to share with her. After about three attempts – we were happy with it………….

Then we discovered an amazing coincidence! Now dear reader, we’re going back to the maternity hospital – Friday 9 th August 1957 to be precise! And yes it is relevant. I was delivered into this world by an obstetrician called George Brentnall – I don’t remember much about it but I do recall my mother recounting on many occasions how she assured George she would push me out in time for him to attend his pre- arranged dinner that evening ! Back in the day medical dinners were very boozy affairs – they may still be but as I haven’t attended one for a while – I don’t feel I have the authority to comment! Drinking and driving went hand in hand – not in the way we know it today – driving back then under the influence was considered quite normal. I recall my father telling how on their way back from one such dinner, they came across one of the wives standing by side of the road in her evening gown. He stopped wondering what on earth had happened, only to discover that his colleague and driver of the car, had heeded a call of nature. His wife got out of the car to make sure he was okay, only for him to get back in the car and set off, clearly immune to the fact his wife wasn’t there. Anyway my father took her home … one can only imaging the conversation in that house that night!

I’ve digressed again – back to George Brentnall! He who delivered me into this world! He and his wife Maria were very good friends of my parents and they had a home in Walberswick in Suffolk. My parents bought a static caravan ( we’re going back nearly fifty years so no mod cons like running water and flushable toilet) and we used to spend time together either in Walberswick or at the caravan. So when Marylin and I were talking one day- Suffolk was part of the conversation – she said she knew Southwold and Walberswick very well having lived there, we discovered that we both knew the Brentnalls. They lived next door to her elderly mother and called to check on her every day ! I promised you an amazing coincidence and I hope you will humour me in the convoluted journey we’ve taken to get here – but I’m sure you will agree coincidence is what it is, a bond and a link to a previous life – it meant a lot to me.

She and I were overdue another shopping trip – we went to a shopping mall near here last year and had a great time. I agreed to pick her up at 10.30 and we’d be back to meet her husband and my Dearly Beloved for lunch at 1.30/2. Can you believe it dear reader, neither of them could understand how we girls could spend three hours shopping? I mean her husband has travelled the world, the Dearly Beloved not so widely travelled but surely they must have learnt that two girls, cafés and shops – three hours is hardly enough!!!

You can probably imagine that in the writing of this I have shed many a tear for a friend I won’t see again. The DB and I do things now that we talked about doing with them when we saw her in July ( and we had some lovely times with her then for which I will always be grateful)- like the Tapas run, the steak restaurant in Benidorm- and she isn’t here to do them with us anymore. Yet she is everywhere- in all those places and needless to say , mention Flan de Cafe ………..

Now I’m not always a fan of Facebook- probably because I don’t really know what I’m doing with it !- but from time time it pulls me up sharp( for the teachers amongst you “sharply” but it just doesn’t have the same ring somehow!) I have always believed we must all make the most of every day because none of us know what’s around the corner. My lovely friend Clive wrote in acknowledgement of many birthday wishes sent to him “ Thank you – Let’s make sure we are kinder to one another in the year ahead.” If everybody took those words on board what a better place this world would be!

So I leave you with the following which I saw on Facebook and only reiterates what has been said –

“ In the blink of an eye everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You may never know when you may not have that chance again.”

(Unknown author – but someone very wise!)

Thank you for taking the time to read this -it has been surprisingly hard to write but I hope Marylin would be proud!

Who knows where we’ll go next time …….wherever it may be though, I hope you’ll be right alongside me!