In case you’re wondering, I’m no longer there….in Spain that is ….but here ! Getting from there to here is quite a journey ..involving two eight hour car journeys and a 19 hour ferry crossing . That’ll have got you thinking , but I have to tell you that I have finally lost my fear of the ferry crossing ( I won’t go into details because I think you already know I had a terrifying and very unpleasant experience with a ferry crossing back in October 1987!) However despite losing my fear, I would never now get on a ferry without taking sea sickness medication! Okay so if I was in Liverpool I probably wouldn’t be concerned on that front as I board the famous ferry across the Mersey..but you understand what I’m saying!
Now I can feel the excitement mounting regarding the pants …. but I’m going to keep you waiting just a little longer!
We’re getting closer Dear Reader ….this always makes me chuckle, and I am actually working very hard to improve my balance …in case I haven’t already told you , my Camino buddy Kathleen and I are going back on the trail at the end of August ; in the words of Julie Andrew’s we’re going to “ start at the very beginning . A very good place to start…” Well, I will really have to harness my Julie Andrew’s too because day 1 brings the reality of Climb Every Mountain…..we climb 1400 metres over 20 kilometres, starting in France and crossing the border into Spain en route! I digress ( what’s new 😉) good balance is essential when walking on some of the mountain tracks we will be faced with so I’m pleased to say that I personally can put a leg in a pant without falling over ! I had quite a bit of balance experience latterly in Spain as it happens …. It transpires that our drains ( mainly waste water drains fortunately 🥴🥴) are leaking into our next door neighbours’ house….worst still, their kitchen. So we decided to protect them as much as we could ( the neighbours, not the drains) , which involved standing in a washing up bowl to catch as much water as we could when showering , and propping the mop head over the plug hole to try and prevent any excess slipping away! Try lifting one leg to wash your feet whilst standing in a washing up bowl with a mop for company 🙄🙄🙄…on second thoughts do NOT try that at home ….please !
However that proved good practice for the ferry , when standing on one leg in a small shower tray with the additional hindrance of the motion of the swell…..still remained upright !!!
Now to the matter in hand ….pants!!! About time I hear you cry ……now this puzzlement to me goes back approximately eight years ago . I went to a well-known store that sells underwear …no, not Victoria’s Secret or any other such store….one that has a children’s department. I went to buy a pack of pants to have here when my granddaughter came, but couldn’t believe my eyes……there wasn’t just one type of pant for a little girl …..surely buying pants for a child should be straightforward and easy. No …..what sort of pant did I want? Did I want shorts, briefs or full pants ? For a five year old – no , I just want pants !!!🥴🥴🥴🥴 Anyway, whatever I found seem to be suitable , but it got me thinking……..
Children’s pants are complicated enough …now to my sort of pant ….and once again we’re not talking Victoria’s Secret here…and we’re back in that same old store that has the children’s department, food hall etc,etc……you know where I mean! Now where to start in choosing suitable ( and comfortable) pants ? For a start you can’t try them on …so how the hec do you know you have picked the most comfortable? Now I have obviously purchased pants before …I have not spent my life going commando ….where on earth did that expression come from ? Ha, just looked it up …..it refers to elite soldiers trained to be ready to fight at a moment’s notice . So when you’re not wearing pants you’re ready to go at any moment ….without pesky pants in the way . Well…there you are Dear Reader ……take that any way you want 🤪🤪🤪!
What bugs me is choosing and buying pants to suit my present shape ….I have chosen a few examples for you to demonstrate how complex this procedure can be …now do I want ….
I am beginning to lose the plot here…but the list goes on so onward I will go …..
Whilst on the subject of looks …..I am aware that one can spend hundreds of pounds on a thong ( really …I found one for £225 😳😳) …and therefore want to show it off to the world above your hipster jeans . Now, if you have Victoria Beckham’s figure, even I would agree it looks okay ( it seems men also have this trend of having expensive boxers showing purposefully above the waist band of their trendy jeans or jogging bottoms ( I’m not referring to the “ Builders backside” here you understand) However, if you don’t have Victoria Beckhams figure ( and why would you want it I ask……she must spend every day of her life working to keep it poor girl . I wonder does she ( or more to the point, can she) ever let her guard down …) and you don’t have pristine pants to show off ….in my humble opinion, it really isn’t a good look to wear your greying thong above the level of your jeans, if you know what I mean …….
So where on earth do you start with that lot …and all the others that I haven’t mentioned. Whenever I think of the control underwear I always remember Victoria Wood’s hilarious sketch, observing that they suck you in everywhere but then push all the excess out at the top and bottom so you look a bit like the Michelin man ! I remember quite a few years ago buying a control “ slip” ( you know , the ones you see advertised with the woman with rolls of fat in a red dress and then miraculously silf-like in the same red dress – why? because she’s wearing control shapewear extraordinaire ! but do you get to see her put it on and take it off? No Dear Reader. ..you don’t !) This so called slip was SO tight , whilst I somehow squirrelled my way into it …there was absolutely no way I could remove it myself …I didn’t dare go to the loo whilst out because it would have rolled up to round my waist and then I’d have had serious difficulty unravelling myself in a small cubicle . Needless to say the DB had to be summoned and somehow peel the garment off me when I get home …..never again to be worn ….
So I am none the wiser for all that information …it was much simpler years ago when women wore bloomers …..
and pants were quite straightforward! High waist cotton…white , was all that was available to our forefathers…well foremothers ….simple!
So I still had the dilemma as to what to buy but I finally found some suitable pants in said store …I have no idea what they’re made of but they are comfortable so I wanted some more ……since my previous visit to said store , they’ve rearranged all the knickers and I couldn’t locate mine anywhere …so back to the drawing board 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Whilst over in Spain I read a copy of the Euroweekly …a free paper …and was drawn to the title on page 21 “ Plethora of Pants” …yes I know , hence the title of this blog! This article was about a museum in the USA trying to get in the Guinness Book of Records by holding a gathering of the greatest number of people to stand for one minute , with pants on their heads . Don’t ask ….but I can tell you that the museum is home to a very big pair of pants created in 1997. The waistband measures sixteen feet, they are seven feet wide and six feet tall when laid out …and apparently these aren’t the largest pants in the world😳😳😳 The mind boggles as to why someone would make such a garment …I mean no one can be that size ? Can they? Each to their own I suppose 😉😉😉
So now I have got the pants off my chest ( so to speak …..that would be an interesting entry into the Guinness Book of World Records now, wouldn’t it?) I’ll leave you with the following poem which I think may resonate Dear Reader …
So I’ll close now …any men reading this I apologise for it seeming to be biased to females …on the other hand you can learn something every day !
Until the next time…….
Camino Romero 