A pot or two of gold??………….

Today is my last walk, my last daily blog ( don’t worry , I’m planning a weekly blog with observations and reflections on life going forward!) and the 39 th anniversary of my daughter Emma’s death. It is hard to believe I am old enough to be the mother of a near forty year old daughter, though in reality she would likely never have reached this age. She was born weighing 7 lbs 5 oz but died as a result of having the cord wrapped round her neck for a prolonged period, whilst my labour continued a pace (though it appears no one told my cervix!) and no one knew that’s what would happen. At her post mortem it was discovered that she would likely have developed a neuroblastoma which is a cancer typically seen in infants and young children – and back then treatment was rarely successful. Working in the cancer hospital latterly, I came across a couple of patients with this cancer and it was never a good outcome. What I’m going to say now may sound strange to you Dear Reader, although what happened to her was so devastating and tragic , I do believe it happened for a reason ….and that strangely gave me comfort as time passed.

Needless to say in future pregnancies, labour was to be avoided at all costs! So with my next pregnancy in 1985, having been watched like a hawk every step of the way, a date was set just after Spring Bank Holiday when my two real life angels ( Willy Porter obstetrician and Alan Caunt anaesthetist) could be with me for a happy occasion with delivery by Caesarian section under epidural. However baby Thomas had other ideas – he wasn’t prepared to wait, and before the weekend had begun I was heading into labour . All stops were pulled out and he was delivered by emergency Caesarian section under epidural – sadly neither Willy or Alan were present,but one of the registrars who had witnessed Emma’s birth, performed the surgery . The joy of holding him in my arms was indescribable as you may imagine!

As patients we understand our own lived experiences but I think we forget sometimes the effects of them, on the medical and health care team involved . I know everyone was left devastated first time round, and thankfully all was well this time. In reality, without medical intervention, I would never have given birth to a live baby and may well have died during the process ….a scary thought.

Baby number three came on the horizon – and again I was monitored and watched continuously…..this time he decided to try and make an appearance at 32 weeks! No way,said Willy Porter! and confined me to bed rest in hospital ( difficult with a toddler at home but my parents were summoned and in hospital I stayed!) However when things settled I was allowed home under strict instruction not to do anything . This was over Christmas – can you imagine?! Anyway this time the baby was to be delivered under general anaesthetic with Caesarian section on New Year’s Eve ..no chances were being taken…..and baby Joseph’s birth was a most wonderful experience I could have wished for. I still remember the taste of the celebratory hot chocolate I drank at night !!!

People used to ask me if I didn’t regret not having a “ normal” delivery …. well for a start I learnt the hardest of ways that I don’t have a choice , my body doesn’t do normal deliveries. At least I was able to sit comfortably after each of my deliveries though!. Let me tell you, back then , there was none of this C-section one day and home the next as there is now – a C-section meant a fourteen day stay in hospital regardless (even without a baby which was hard because I was on the post natal ward, allbeit in a side room.) A Caesarian with a live baby was a sheer joy! Finally dear reader on the advantages of surgical delivery , whilst I am well known for my multi tasking skills ..this does not apply to me 😉😉

So for my last walk I went along the TPT with my friend and neighbour Elaine ( we are so lucky, we have neighbours and then neighbours nextdoor who are very special friends.) Needless to say Millie came along and we had a coffee at one of the dog friendly cafes in Penistone ( sadly for Millie not the one that offers Puppaccinos!)

So what about those pots of gold I hear you say ……

Well I’m going to leave those for people who really need them . I can see you thinking “ she’s lost it now ..at least four pots of gold ..and she’s not bothered …” No, no amount of gold could ever give me what I have today ….my lovely family and my lovely friends …..and now look at the next generation in my life ….

A massive thank you to each and everyone who has supported me on this journey and donated to the charity. I have raised nearly £700 which far exceeded my expectations – whilst I walked each and every step in Emma’s name – I wanted to raise the awareness of this charity, without a doubt my experience would have been much improved had they been more prominent 39 years ago. I hope that is what I have achieved

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